Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The worst guy in the world


My dad. Well no... probably my father...no I have to refer to him as my sperm donor because even a father wouldn't purposely try to ruin his daughter's plans for her future.

He kicked me out for my first time when I was in second grade. Okay...dad of the year! SECOND GRADE and he's kicking out his daughter for probably doing something that kids are suppose to do. So, I'm pretty sure that is one example that shows how awesome of a parent he is. He can't deal with his kids making mistakes, LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO! He wants to have perfect little angels as children and he can never understand why they would make any mistake at all. I'm pretty 100% sure that he's made mistakes. I've seen him make tons of them.

So, over the years he kicked me out for a few days to a week, then would apologize because he couldn't even remember why he did it. So I'd always go back to forgiving him and living our usual schedule we had between him and my mom.

When I was in seventh grade that's when I was fed up with it. He kicked me out because his wife (now ex) didn't like that when I came home I would go to my room and do homework instead of spending time with her. Like she would literally cry over it. It was really stupid and pathetic. That's when I realized that I don't have to put up with his shit anymore. He chose his wife of a few months over his own child, and for a stupid reason. I spent so much time crying that night and the next day. It was probably the worse feeling I've ever had and the worst thing I've ever been through. I finally realized that day that no matter what my dad said or how much my DNA says, he never wanted me or anything to do with me unless it made him look good.

Even though this was probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me, I think it's also the best thing. I now have the best relationship with my mom and he knows I won't put up with his shit anymore. I stand up for myself. He's not use to it and he absolutely hates it. We only argue, I don't think there's ever a time that we get along. It's a pretty bad situation, but what can I do? Do I really want to be hurt continuously for the rest of my life? He does it to everyone. My older sister realized it, his ex wife, my mom, and I'm pretty sure all of his girlfriends. He's very two faced and can be a really nice fake person, but the real person inside of him is selfish and angry. He only cares about himself. It's kind of a terrible feeling to know that no matter what I'm apart of him.

So, since I was in seventh grade, I've ignored him a lot. He always tries to be involved in my life when I do good to look like "a good parent", when he probably can't even name 5 of my friends, how long I've been dating my boyfriend, or how long I've worked at my job. He just doesn't care. He doesn't want to get to know me, so when he tries to get involved I get pissed. Not just pissed, but I flip out on everyone that stands up for him or tries to tell me his side of the argument. Basically, no one's going to change my mind. He is a down right evil person that I want nothing to do with. He keeps getting involved with me going to college, and it's not right. He knows nothing about my life, which I really don't have a problem with, so I pretty much think that he shouldn't be able to get the perks or rewards of saying that he has a very accomplished daughter. He just tries to put me down, but I know what I've done to get respect. I know how hard I've worked. He knows absolutely nothing. He makes bets with people on how bad I'm going to screw up. I just can't wait until I'm officially old enough to get him out of my life permanently, because it is my choice. Right now I still have attachments to him through my sister, so I can't be totally rid of him, but one of these days I'll be out and he will never talk to me ever again. I've already said he's not allowed at my wedding, whenever that is. I don't want the one person who has continuously made me feel like shit and continuously hurt me my entire life be there to celebrate the happiest day of my life. He doesn't deserve it. I would rather have someone who respects me and my happiness and someone who I respect to be the one there.

I just can't wait until this is over. Until I can finally get rid of him. Until I can officially get him out of my life. It's pathetic that I've had other people be more like a father figure to me than he is. It's just pathetic. I can't wait until he's gone forever...

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

well no matter how shitty this bastard has been to you, remember,i see one hell of a person in you, and regardless of how he feels, my feelings wont cahnge. As you know I'm a bastard (a fatherless child) myself :) I got your back babe. Our happpy little family will always stick together!!!!