So WPA is coming up on March 5th. I'm kind of excited. I like dances. Yes, they do get boring eventually while you're there, but thats okay. It's really fun to dress up with your friends and go out to eat with your friends. I bought a pretty cute dress. Its like tan underneath and then it has black lace on the outside. It's really cute. And it was only twelve dollars! That was the best part about it.
My only problem with WPA is my date. I'm seeing this new guy now. He's really sweet and nice to everyone. He does have some of the same qualities of my ex, but he has those extra ones that I always bothered my ex about. It's kind of surprising how close we already are. We've been seeing each other for two weeks now and we've only not seen each other two of those days.
So anyways... He would obviously be the guy I would want to go to WPA with. But, he got kicked out of school about a year ago. I've heard a couple different versions of if he could go or not or if I had to talk to someone about it. I really want him to go, but I really don't have my hopes up that high to believe he will be able to. I'm of course going. It's my senior year, but I wouldn't feel right going with another guy. I don't know... As a friend maybe. Who knows. It's about a month away so I guess I'll see what happens
Saturday, January 31, 2009
All Alone..
I've had a really rough week.. My mom's out of town so I'm alone that way. My sister is staying at my dads, so I'm at home with my dog. I mean I'm barely ever home. I am random times throughout the day, but I'm with my friends a lot. But, I still feel really lonely for some reason..
I don't mind being alone most of the time. I kind of really enjoy it. But, this time it was just a little different. I know I said in a few posts ago that me and my boyfriend of over a year broke up. I for real thought it was over then. I wasn't trying to talk to him. I wasn't going to see him. I started hanging out with this other boy, who is really sweet by the way, to make sure I didn't go back to my ex.
But, my ex took it way too far this week. He called me nonstop. Like 200 times in 2 hours with me never answering. About 500 text messages without me ever replying. He said he was sitting outside of my house waiting for me to get there. He threatened to break into my house, threatened to physically hurt me, and threatened to physically hurt anyone I was with. It was scary. I had to get my number changed. Again. About a month ago I got it changed for kind of the same reason.
This whole situation really bothers me because I know I should get a restraining order on him. Because I shouldn't be scared he's outside whenever I'm home. I know he's been here; I think it was when I wasn't here at least. I've gotten a letter from him in between my door yesterday morning and another letter about 4 days ago in my mailbox. Then, yesterday when I was coming out of school, because I get out at an earlier time than most people, I was walking out of school with two other people and I looked down the parking lot and my ex was parked behind my car waiting for me. I was freaked out.
Like I had no idea why he was there. He owes me money, but I said I didn't want it. I mean yes I would honestly love my money, but after everything he's been doing this week I would rather just not see him or have anything to do with him. So, I didn't go to my car. I went with the other people I was walking with.
This situation sucks really bad. I mean I really did have a good relationship with this guy and we both loved each other a lot. We were best friends. I understand that he's attached and misses me, but this is psycho and way overboard. I just don't know what to do. Because what he's doing is harassment and illegal. Basically stalking me. But, I would feel so bad pressing charges against him because he meant so much to me. I just wish it could have ended better. It ended good at first, then I don't know what happened with everything. He just snapped. This is a scary situation. I really don't know..
I don't mind being alone most of the time. I kind of really enjoy it. But, this time it was just a little different. I know I said in a few posts ago that me and my boyfriend of over a year broke up. I for real thought it was over then. I wasn't trying to talk to him. I wasn't going to see him. I started hanging out with this other boy, who is really sweet by the way, to make sure I didn't go back to my ex.
But, my ex took it way too far this week. He called me nonstop. Like 200 times in 2 hours with me never answering. About 500 text messages without me ever replying. He said he was sitting outside of my house waiting for me to get there. He threatened to break into my house, threatened to physically hurt me, and threatened to physically hurt anyone I was with. It was scary. I had to get my number changed. Again. About a month ago I got it changed for kind of the same reason.
This whole situation really bothers me because I know I should get a restraining order on him. Because I shouldn't be scared he's outside whenever I'm home. I know he's been here; I think it was when I wasn't here at least. I've gotten a letter from him in between my door yesterday morning and another letter about 4 days ago in my mailbox. Then, yesterday when I was coming out of school, because I get out at an earlier time than most people, I was walking out of school with two other people and I looked down the parking lot and my ex was parked behind my car waiting for me. I was freaked out.
Like I had no idea why he was there. He owes me money, but I said I didn't want it. I mean yes I would honestly love my money, but after everything he's been doing this week I would rather just not see him or have anything to do with him. So, I didn't go to my car. I went with the other people I was walking with.
This situation sucks really bad. I mean I really did have a good relationship with this guy and we both loved each other a lot. We were best friends. I understand that he's attached and misses me, but this is psycho and way overboard. I just don't know what to do. Because what he's doing is harassment and illegal. Basically stalking me. But, I would feel so bad pressing charges against him because he meant so much to me. I just wish it could have ended better. It ended good at first, then I don't know what happened with everything. He just snapped. This is a scary situation. I really don't know..
Easy Distribution
So many people in high school are not as good of kids as their teachers, friends, and families think. I know tons of people who are some of the best students in school, some that are really shy, some that don't seem to have any friends, and some involved in so many activities they barely have time to sleep. A lot of these people make it through their day by being high off of something.
The two most common things used are marijuana and alcohol. Alcohol isn't used as much at school, but I could probably say about 60% of our school has came to school high at least once. There are so many people that do drugs, it's insane how many there are. You wouldn't really know that just looking at a person because some people that do them seem like the perfect A+ never do anything wrong child.
Marijuana and alcohol are just the main two things used to inhibit your mind. People pop or snort a lot of pills and get high that way. Some people like them better because you can't smell it and it makes a better trip for a shorter amount of time.
I've been so surprised within the last two weeks about how many drugs I have seen high school students do. I have no idea how it is so easy for all of these people to get ahold of these drugs so easily. I haven't seen many hard drugs like heroine and meth, but many pills, tranquilizers, and others.
I personally am not a person that would get into drugs. It's just not my thing. I like to be in control of my body and I barely ever feel safe enough to let my guard totally down with people around. I just think even experimenting with drugs would be a bad idea for me and I'd freak out. I'm not going to judge people if they do. I definitely don't think they should be doing drugs at all and I think it's really stupid if they do, but people are going to make their own decisions whether you back them or not.
The two most common things used are marijuana and alcohol. Alcohol isn't used as much at school, but I could probably say about 60% of our school has came to school high at least once. There are so many people that do drugs, it's insane how many there are. You wouldn't really know that just looking at a person because some people that do them seem like the perfect A+ never do anything wrong child.
Marijuana and alcohol are just the main two things used to inhibit your mind. People pop or snort a lot of pills and get high that way. Some people like them better because you can't smell it and it makes a better trip for a shorter amount of time.
I've been so surprised within the last two weeks about how many drugs I have seen high school students do. I have no idea how it is so easy for all of these people to get ahold of these drugs so easily. I haven't seen many hard drugs like heroine and meth, but many pills, tranquilizers, and others.
I personally am not a person that would get into drugs. It's just not my thing. I like to be in control of my body and I barely ever feel safe enough to let my guard totally down with people around. I just think even experimenting with drugs would be a bad idea for me and I'd freak out. I'm not going to judge people if they do. I definitely don't think they should be doing drugs at all and I think it's really stupid if they do, but people are going to make their own decisions whether you back them or not.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Maybe Jobless..
I am the kind of person that feels like they always have to have a job. I hate asking my mom for money, I would basically refuse to do it no matter how desperate I was. But, in two weeks, unless I get another job before then, I will be without a job. Yesterday I put in my two weeks.
I work at Red Lobster. It isn't a bad job. I love the people there. I've only worked there for 6 months and I've made some of the best friends I have. I am going to miss everyone a lot. I never really enjoyed working with food.. I think that was my biggest problem with the job. I wasn't creeped out by having to touch food or anything, I just didn't enjoy touching other people's food. Some of my managers are really some of the sweetest people ever, but a couple others of them didn't know how to deal with high school students. My manager got notice that a job opened at a Red Lobster on 5:00 some Thursday night. His last day was the next day. He was really good with high school aged people, understood that we liked to have fun while getting our work done, and understood that we have other priorities while still being in high school.
It's been about three weeks since he's been gone. We don't have a manager now. The other managers just look after the host and bar. None of the other managers have ever worked with this area of the restaurant and they honestly, not to be mean, don't know what they're doing. They don't really know who is good at what, or understand our schedules. They schedule us for the days we ask for off, which would be understandable sometimes if they really need someone, but it is every single request. Like my friend is really involved in show choir at his school and had a competition this week. No other person asked for the weekend off, and he got scheduled the entire weekend while he was suppose to be at his show choir competition. I mean, this kid is getting a scholarship for music in college, and they were trying to get in the way of that. They knew he was involved with it when they hired him. It's just a bad situation now.
I really think I would rather work at a daycare. This summer I coached little 5 year olds on a swim team. I loved every single one of those kids. I looked forward to helping them every single day. Working at a daycare I could also go there straight from school and work until they close at six o'clock. This would allow me to see my friends more often, but it will also help me with school. I will actually have time to get my homework done, clean my house, and get ready for college. I just hope I get that job.
I work at Red Lobster. It isn't a bad job. I love the people there. I've only worked there for 6 months and I've made some of the best friends I have. I am going to miss everyone a lot. I never really enjoyed working with food.. I think that was my biggest problem with the job. I wasn't creeped out by having to touch food or anything, I just didn't enjoy touching other people's food. Some of my managers are really some of the sweetest people ever, but a couple others of them didn't know how to deal with high school students. My manager got notice that a job opened at a Red Lobster on 5:00 some Thursday night. His last day was the next day. He was really good with high school aged people, understood that we liked to have fun while getting our work done, and understood that we have other priorities while still being in high school.
It's been about three weeks since he's been gone. We don't have a manager now. The other managers just look after the host and bar. None of the other managers have ever worked with this area of the restaurant and they honestly, not to be mean, don't know what they're doing. They don't really know who is good at what, or understand our schedules. They schedule us for the days we ask for off, which would be understandable sometimes if they really need someone, but it is every single request. Like my friend is really involved in show choir at his school and had a competition this week. No other person asked for the weekend off, and he got scheduled the entire weekend while he was suppose to be at his show choir competition. I mean, this kid is getting a scholarship for music in college, and they were trying to get in the way of that. They knew he was involved with it when they hired him. It's just a bad situation now.
I really think I would rather work at a daycare. This summer I coached little 5 year olds on a swim team. I loved every single one of those kids. I looked forward to helping them every single day. Working at a daycare I could also go there straight from school and work until they close at six o'clock. This would allow me to see my friends more often, but it will also help me with school. I will actually have time to get my homework done, clean my house, and get ready for college. I just hope I get that job.
I'm WAITING
I still haven't gotten my acceptance letter to the community college :(
I think it's been almost two weeks. I've never heard of anyone elses taking that long, normally a week. I know I have good enough grades, thats not an area of concern in my book. My thing is.. it was a pretty easy application that I filled out online.. but did I fill it out right? I'm just thinking I didn't fill it out right, or it didn't get sent and I'm sitting here waiting for somethings that's not going to come. It sucks waiting. I just want to get the whole process started with scholarships and money and living situations. It would be so much easier if it just magically got figured out by itself. Haha that is not going to happen. It's going to take a lot of time and patience.
I guess I'll just wait. They just started a new term at the school, so I think that might be what's holding up the letter. They could just be too busy with scheduling of the new students and classes.
I think it's been almost two weeks. I've never heard of anyone elses taking that long, normally a week. I know I have good enough grades, thats not an area of concern in my book. My thing is.. it was a pretty easy application that I filled out online.. but did I fill it out right? I'm just thinking I didn't fill it out right, or it didn't get sent and I'm sitting here waiting for somethings that's not going to come. It sucks waiting. I just want to get the whole process started with scholarships and money and living situations. It would be so much easier if it just magically got figured out by itself. Haha that is not going to happen. It's going to take a lot of time and patience.
I guess I'll just wait. They just started a new term at the school, so I think that might be what's holding up the letter. They could just be too busy with scheduling of the new students and classes.
What does a promise ring really mean?
On January 4th I had my year anniversary with my boyfriend. We practically lived together. We stayed at each other's house every night and spent the time together we had when we weren't working or at school. It was really nice and we were really comfortable together. We made plans to move in together when I graduated. He would follow me to college and get a job roofing wherever that was. It was a commitment we both wanted, which is weird since we're young, but it just seemed to click for us.
On our anniversary he got me a promise ring. I was really surprised. He normally sucks at keeping secrets, but I didn't know it was coming. the ring was very beautiful. It was amethyst, which is bright purple, and my favorite color.
Probably about a week ago our relationship ended. It was out of nowhere. People made up a lot of rumors about both of us, everyone was fighting to keep us apart for some reason, and we didn't know what to believe. It was really hard. We both fought to stay together, but when people are saying a bunch of lies to you all the time, you dont really know what to believe. He was my best friend and the only person in this world that I could fully trust. I loved him a lot. Sometimes I just give in and talk to him, because he was such a big person in my life. I think about him a lot, He's still trying to get me back, but I dont know if I can handle all of the drama anymore and trust him how I use to.
What do I do with the promise ring? I personally don't have it in my possession right now. It's getting resized, but I'll get it in about a week. I would feel really weird wearing it, because it still means I'm attached to him, but I also don't want it to sit in my jewelry box, because I don't want to forget our relationship and he put a lot of thought and money into it. It was the best year of my life and I made the strongest connection with him. I'll always love him, but that promise is shot to hell now. We're not going to be together even if both of us want it. Not right now at least. There's just too much drama. I miss him a lot. I miss how comfortable we were together. Oh well... Love hurts. Good things have to end eventually.
On our anniversary he got me a promise ring. I was really surprised. He normally sucks at keeping secrets, but I didn't know it was coming. the ring was very beautiful. It was amethyst, which is bright purple, and my favorite color.
Probably about a week ago our relationship ended. It was out of nowhere. People made up a lot of rumors about both of us, everyone was fighting to keep us apart for some reason, and we didn't know what to believe. It was really hard. We both fought to stay together, but when people are saying a bunch of lies to you all the time, you dont really know what to believe. He was my best friend and the only person in this world that I could fully trust. I loved him a lot. Sometimes I just give in and talk to him, because he was such a big person in my life. I think about him a lot, He's still trying to get me back, but I dont know if I can handle all of the drama anymore and trust him how I use to.
What do I do with the promise ring? I personally don't have it in my possession right now. It's getting resized, but I'll get it in about a week. I would feel really weird wearing it, because it still means I'm attached to him, but I also don't want it to sit in my jewelry box, because I don't want to forget our relationship and he put a lot of thought and money into it. It was the best year of my life and I made the strongest connection with him. I'll always love him, but that promise is shot to hell now. We're not going to be together even if both of us want it. Not right now at least. There's just too much drama. I miss him a lot. I miss how comfortable we were together. Oh well... Love hurts. Good things have to end eventually.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
:( :( :( :( :) :( ???
Ugh. So people keep giving me crap about applying to the community college. Mainly... my dad. So, I normally don't get along with my dad and he doesn't play a very big role in my life, but he does think that he has the most important opinion on what I want to do with my future. The truth.. he is WAY WRONG. Over the years we've had many problems and I've lost a lot of respect for him, although we still try to get along and be decent most of the time. I don't think he should be able to freak out and say I would be ruining my future if I went there. That is very unfair. I think it's my personal choice where I go, what I want to do, and what I think will be the best education and easiest transition for me to make.
I am content with the decision I've made, and I really don't like second guessing myself. I think people are allowed to say their opinion, but I don't think it's right for them to say I'm making the wrong decision and I'm screwing up my future. Thats not fair at all, and kind of hurts. I mean, I've worked hard to get to where I am now. My mom is one of my best friends and I've never lost her respect or trust, I've had a job and paid for everything myself since I was 14, and I've kept good grades all throughout high school and my entire education. It's not right for people to tell me I'm messing up my future just by going to this school when they've seen me work hard the whole time I was growing up. I wish this whole process was easier...
I am content with the decision I've made, and I really don't like second guessing myself. I think people are allowed to say their opinion, but I don't think it's right for them to say I'm making the wrong decision and I'm screwing up my future. Thats not fair at all, and kind of hurts. I mean, I've worked hard to get to where I am now. My mom is one of my best friends and I've never lost her respect or trust, I've had a job and paid for everything myself since I was 14, and I've kept good grades all throughout high school and my entire education. It's not right for people to tell me I'm messing up my future just by going to this school when they've seen me work hard the whole time I was growing up. I wish this whole process was easier...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
High School Dropouts Continued...
In my last post about high school dropouts at the end I mentioned I've talked to a few people that have dropped out. It's kind of disappointing to admit this, but the main 3 that stick out in my head are two of my guy friends who I would have never thought of doing it, and my boyfriend. My two guy friends didn't completely drop out, they did transfer to a more helpful school. This school does all of the same classes, with it being easier to get credits. It does have shorter days which helps the students go, but it also does take longer to graduate. I don't blame these guys for going there. It doesn't change who they are, some people thinks it does, but that's not right. They're still the same people, they just go to a different school. Whatever helps them graduate is the most important thing.
Okay now to my boyfriend. He is a super smart guy. His parents have paid a lot for his education by putting him through private schools up until his freshman year of high school. After his freshman year he made friends at the public school and really wanted to go there, so his parents let him. When he went to the private school, he had a 3.3-3.6 GPA all 3 semesters. His sophomore year at the public school, he got about a 3.0 GPA the first term and the next two years after that everything fell. He is obviously a really smart person. He knows a whole lot about life and he's a really good writer. He even had a poem published in a book, but he just let everything that happened to him outside of school effect his education. He stopped doing his homework to hang out with friends, he was tired all the time at school and either didn't go or fell asleep in class. When he tried he was a really good student, but when he didn't he didn't get very good grades. At the beginning of our senior year, my boyfriend came to about 7 days of school throughout the first month of school. He was way behind. He basically just slept while he was suppose to be at school. He eventually dropped out. His parents, the school, and I tried to help him, but it was ultimately his choice and his decision on what he wanted his future to be like.
My boyfriend admits he made a mistake and tells a lot of mine and his friends that they should stay in school as long as they can because the real world isn't as enjoyable as it seems. He is getting his GED and he has a full time job roofing. I can't be mad at him for making the decision he's made. People make mistakes and you have to learn to forgive each other. It's more or less... are these high school dropouts giving up on life and being lazy? Or are these high school dropouts admitting they made a mistake and working to better their life the best they can?
Okay now to my boyfriend. He is a super smart guy. His parents have paid a lot for his education by putting him through private schools up until his freshman year of high school. After his freshman year he made friends at the public school and really wanted to go there, so his parents let him. When he went to the private school, he had a 3.3-3.6 GPA all 3 semesters. His sophomore year at the public school, he got about a 3.0 GPA the first term and the next two years after that everything fell. He is obviously a really smart person. He knows a whole lot about life and he's a really good writer. He even had a poem published in a book, but he just let everything that happened to him outside of school effect his education. He stopped doing his homework to hang out with friends, he was tired all the time at school and either didn't go or fell asleep in class. When he tried he was a really good student, but when he didn't he didn't get very good grades. At the beginning of our senior year, my boyfriend came to about 7 days of school throughout the first month of school. He was way behind. He basically just slept while he was suppose to be at school. He eventually dropped out. His parents, the school, and I tried to help him, but it was ultimately his choice and his decision on what he wanted his future to be like.
My boyfriend admits he made a mistake and tells a lot of mine and his friends that they should stay in school as long as they can because the real world isn't as enjoyable as it seems. He is getting his GED and he has a full time job roofing. I can't be mad at him for making the decision he's made. People make mistakes and you have to learn to forgive each other. It's more or less... are these high school dropouts giving up on life and being lazy? Or are these high school dropouts admitting they made a mistake and working to better their life the best they can?
Moving Forward
So... I just applied to the community college my mom wanted me to apply to. I kind of feel content about the decision too, which surprises me. I mean all as I was growing up I said I would never go there. I feel kind of like I'm making kind of a stupid decision though because I have a 3.8 GPA and I have gotten good ACT scores. I could get into many universities. I'm not exactly sure why I'm doing this. Maybe partly it's because I wanna make my mom happy. Partly because whenever my mom thinks about me leaving she crys. I'm the one that takes care of her. I try to do the things around my house that she can't do or would hurt her because of injuries she has gotten. I look out for her, not because I feel like I have to. She is my mom, she does take good care of me. But, I think it's because of everything she has done for me and how hard she has worked to try and give herself, my sister, and me a good life together.
I also think I might be okay with going to the community college because I am going to transfer to the University afterwards. I want to get into the accounting program at the University, which is a 5 year program there. So, I figure 2 years at the community college and 3 years at the university, I will be less likely to get bored going to that college because I will be in different surroundings during different years of my education.
I think I'm going to live in an apartment at the community college. My boyfriend says he wants to move in with me... it just depends. I mean by that time we would have been together for a year and a half and I do love him. I just don't want to get my hopes up and plan my future around him being there or around him living with me if there's a big chance it will fall apart. I really don't want it to fall apart, but I can't tell the future and I can't tell what's going to happen. I guess I'll just have to make different versions of plans and wait and see....
I also think I might be okay with going to the community college because I am going to transfer to the University afterwards. I want to get into the accounting program at the University, which is a 5 year program there. So, I figure 2 years at the community college and 3 years at the university, I will be less likely to get bored going to that college because I will be in different surroundings during different years of my education.
I think I'm going to live in an apartment at the community college. My boyfriend says he wants to move in with me... it just depends. I mean by that time we would have been together for a year and a half and I do love him. I just don't want to get my hopes up and plan my future around him being there or around him living with me if there's a big chance it will fall apart. I really don't want it to fall apart, but I can't tell the future and I can't tell what's going to happen. I guess I'll just have to make different versions of plans and wait and see....
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