Monday, April 13, 2009
How did I go from zero jobs to three jobs??
In March I got a job at Sears as a cashier. I really liked this job too. It was kind of boring sometimes, but I did enjoy working with people and the money. (since I do want to become an accountant)
And a couple of weeks ago my mom's boss, Jon, came up to me and personally asked me if I wanted a job at Read Photography. I was really hesitant about it, for a couple of reasons actually. Well one...my mom works there. She's worked there for 19 years so I was kind of hesitant about working with her. Another reason is, I'm not working with my mom at all but I'm working with Jon's son, Brian. So I've known Jon and his family for my whole life. I've always thought Brian was a little weird. Not in a bad way, but it's just how it is.
I decided to take the job at Read. I start today. I'm going to be packaging all of the prints that go out to everyone, help with senior pictures, and sometimes help with dances. It should be pretty cool. I get to start out at a higher pay than most people who start there because all full time people get health insurance, and Jon already pays mine because of my mom, so I get the higher pay to start. Then, it's a lot more hours than I could get working at any other place. This summer I'm going to be working from 9-6 or 6:30 monday through friday. That's good money and a lot of hours. It will also leave my nights and weekends open so I can have a life. I'm pretty excited.
I put in my two weeks at Sears yesterday. I cannot go from school to Read to Sears every night. I just can't. I will lose my mind. I'm still going to do the gymnastics because I really love doing that and working with little kids.
So Teachers Suck..
So last week my AP Econ teacher decided to basically tell us..."you guys are all seniors, you have less than two months of school left, none of you want to be here, and we still have work to do. There's going to be some of you that will try and some of you that won't, so it's up to you. You are going to have to do everything yourself, and I won't really be leading the class anymore unless you have questions."
Yeah...so this would be my hardest class. That's insane! I need him there to teach me, I can't teach myself. Yeah there's the book and everything, but you need more than a book for it to make complete sense. Especially in a class so hard.
Basically all of my teachers right now are giving us a whole bunch of work all at the same time. It seems like they all ran out of time and are giving us a bunch to do all at once to cram it in. That doesn't work out very well. Especially as seniors. Right now we're planning for the rest of our lives. We have to do so much...plan for our graduation, plan for college, choosing living situations, prepare ourselves for everthing to change, do homework, have jobs, maintain a social life, and stay mentally sane?? I don't think so... I know that I'm personally losing my mind.
And no one seems to understand how much stress we seniors are actually under. Everyone else seems to only care about themselves. It sucks. I really gotta try and stay positive through this..
Friday, April 10, 2009
Why did I pay for these exams?

I am going to take my AP Calc exam, as well. It's a week before the econ ones, so I shouldn't be in a bad position with the timing or anything. For the calc exam we could choose between taking two tests...AB or BC. AB, if you pass, you get credit for taking one term of college calculus. BC, you would get credit for two terms. So I am definitely taking the AB test. I chose this one because the AB test consists of everything we learned first and second term. The BC test consists of everything we learned all year, mainly third term. We are not even getting to finish everything needed to take the BC test. I think I have a way better chance to get college credit for the AB test.
So...it is the end of the year. I have three totally awesome exams that I already paid for and I have to take that are in May. I'm not very determined at all to study for these. I mean yeah I want to do my best, but I just dread studying. I'm guessing I won't. I'll do what my teachers give me and tell me to do, but probably no extra studying for me.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Some Place I Never Considered

This is where my next four years is going to be. One mile away from my house. Some place I've known since I was born. Some place I NEVER thought I'd be at. Some place I NEVER considered until I realized how bad I wanted to stay in Cedar Rapids. Some place I've competed at. Some place I practiced at every night. Some place I thought was not for me...
I never knew anything about the academics at Coe.
I never would have even considered it.
I knew people that I practiced with that went there, but they never talked about the school.
I never knew it was a good school.
I never knew I would ever look at the school
I'm majoring in accounting. I really like math. I want to become a C.P.A., which means I have to sit for the exams after my education at Coe. I've heard the exams are really hard.
I also think I might double major in public relations..
Coe is really good about getting people out of college in four years no matter what.
I've met people that have graduated in four years with a triple major, and that's really hard.
I'm excited for college. But, I'm also kind of nervous.. it's a big change.
TRUST...the most complicated word ever
I don't trust anyone. Well, I do trust some people, like some of my good friends and my close family members, but I really don't know if I trust anyone, besides my mom, completely.
I really think that's a problem.
I mean... I have a boyfriend that I'm really in love with...I should trust him.
I have some friends that have been my friend for 7 years...I should trust them.
I should trust my other family members more...but for some reason I don't
I'm scared to let poeple close to me. I'm scared they're going to hurt me or leave me. That's been my experiences with so many people. My dad, my best friend since I was in preschool, my past boyfriends that I've been closest too.
I really try not to talk about my personal life very much, to anyone. I think I don't want people to know the real me and everything about me, and then just leave.
Whenever I do let people close and tell them about...well...me...I become really close to them. Like, they become my best friends.
My biggest thing about trust is probably guys. Whenever I have a boyfriend, I spend a lot of time with them. We end up getting really close and they know a lot about me.
So.... my last three boyfriends...one I dated for 6 months, one I dated for 10 months, and one I dated a little over a year... they all cheated on me, or tried to and failed. I didn't put up with it and that's the reason why all of those relationships ended. I know these are high school relationships and stupid stuff like that happens all of the time, but it also happens when you are an adult and so I have really bad trust issues when it comes to thinking my boyfriend is or will cheat on me.
My current boyfriend...Rj.. tries really hard to prove to me and tell me that he is never going to cheat on me because I'm "the best girlfriend he's ever had. he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. he loves me. etc..." But hey, guess what? I've heard all of that before. I really want to believe him and I wish I completely did. That would make it so much easier.
I hate always thinking or worrying that my boyfriends are cheating on me, lying to me about where they are, lying to me about anything, talking to another girl for the reason that they like them.. it just freaks me out. I don't want it to happen again, but it's just what I expect from guys. I really really really hope Rj is not like that. He is the sweetest guy I've ever been with. The most real. He doesn't like drama...although it happens...he doesn't give up when something goes wrong. He wants us to be happy and work it all out. I love him.. I just hope its real this time.
I really need to get over my trust issues. It messes with me. Like if anything shady comes up I put up this wall and don't let anyone close to me, I don't let anyone know how I feel, I just don't, and it's terrible.
A Roommate While Still at Home...???
Sooo.... my friend's name is Ashlee. I love her to death. One of the main reasons she wants/needs to get an apartment is because her family's house has been on the market for the past 9 months. Two days ago someone finally put an offer on their house that her parents thought was almost acceptable. They counter offered and found out today...they accepted the counter offer. Good news right??
Well....almost good news. There are a couple things wrong with it...
1) They have to be out of the house in 3 weeks...aka about April 25th
2) She has siblings that are moving to New Mexico and being taken out of school a month before the school year is over.
3) I don't get out of school until May 27th, I graduate May 28th, and my graduation party is May 31st... this means I don't plan on moving out until June 1st... and Ashlee has no where to live until June 1st
Okay basically thats the jist of what's going on. So because Ashlee would have no where to live for about a month I offered her to stay at my house with my sister and mom. My mom said it was okay. The only problem is space. She would be staying in my room and we both have a lot of stuff :-/...
I know we could make it work, it would just be a little cramped and not what we're use to. So, in a few weeks, I might be having a roommate in my bedroom...
Leaving Home...
One thing about me is that I am a very independent person. I don't like people to come to my rescue if I'm in trouble. I don't like to depend on people to be there for me, just in case when I need them they won't be. There are very few people in this world that I would even go to if I was in trouble. My mom is basically the only one I fully trust and know that no matter what she will always be there for me if I need her. My sister, although we're getting closer now that we're growing up, still is too immature about some things to understand that she hasn't experienced yet. But, I do tell her way more now than I use to. My boyfriend, although we haven't been together very long, seems to be a very helpful person. He always wants to make sure I'm happy. He's pretty open with me about what's going on in his life and so that makes it pretty easy for me to open up to him.
So anyways...the whole point of telling you that is...I'm moving out because I feel like my mom has done so much for me that I don't want to have to have her keep paying for my living expenses longer than she has to. She is a single parent that basically pays for and takes care of two teenage girls all alone...with no child support or anything. (My dad might pay for something for my sister 3-4 times a month, and me probably once every two months.)
My mom has done everything for me my whole life. Yeah, sometimes when we were younger we couldn't afford certain things, but my mom has done the best she can to make mine and my sister's lives fulfilling.
So, I am moving out after graduation. I've had a job since I was 14 and am pretty good with money, I think. I will still see my family a lot, just not live with them. I am going to be living with one of my best friends in an apartment. I think it will be a good experience. I'm kind of nervous, but also kind of excited to have something thats mine that I'm investing my money in, and totally responsible for.